An Ordinary Woman

Even though I've spent the last two days fighting the pain of a fearsome fibro flare up, I feel so blessed! God has reminded me of that in numerous ways......from the smiles of children as they show me the library book they brought to school to the coworker who, realizing how badly I was hurting, bent and whispered a prayer in my ear.

A flare up this intense used to push me right over the edge into a pool of dark thoughts and needless anxiety. Not this time. No, this time was different. I fell into the peaceful loving arms of my God who held me, cradled me and reminded me of all that is good about my life. Instead of bemoaning my fate and working myself into a state of endless weeping......I prayed.

First, my prayers were those of thanksgiving......for all the blessings I now see more clearly....then I prayed for my children......their safety, their place in God's plan.....I prayed for other family members........my parents,my sister, my nephew, my aunts and uncles, my cousins.....and it was more than just a "God bless" litany of names.  After all, when pain makes one immobile there is lots of time for some in-depth praying!

Then I prayed about my 'failings' as a person.....except I don't see them as failings anymore....no, I see them more as characteristics upon which I need to improve. God alone has the power to make those kind of improvements....thats why I pray! Because I want more than anything to grow and become the woman, the person, God has planned me to be.  At this moment I choose to see the pain I endure as a tool by which I am molded and shaped into an instrument of God's love. Believe me, when physical pain is a constant companion, it is better to view it as a positive than a negative.

Sometimes when I read over what I've written I worry that I sound like a "Goody Two Shoes." Believe me I am not! I am just an ordinary woman trying to find my way through life....thank you for letting me share my spiritual journey with each of you.

How It Began

I first began this blog as a way to work through mental and emotional issues.  For me, writing is like talking to a friend who always listens.....but doesn't necessarily respond.  I wasn't always faithful to write regularly. This summer I've made a conscious effort to be more regular in my writing because now more than ever I need clarity and focus.

I feel that I've come along way since June in that I now like myself......which is a big deal for someone who never felt "good" enough or "successful" enough.  That is not to say I think I'm perfect....not by a long shot. But...I can accept that I am a work in progress with faults and failings that only God can fix.

Most of my entries since June have included Scriptures, not because I am trying to "preach" to anyone. Rather, I want simply to share my journey to becoming the best person I can be......and for me that has meant looking to God for the strength and guidance to do so.  If you've been touched in any way by the things I've shared, its because that is my prayer every time I write.....that God touches you, not my simple thoughts......because although you are reading about my journey...this is not about me.....this is about what God is doing in the life of someone who is willing to be obedient and eager to serve Him.

Life is never easy.....but.....it is so much better with a God who loves me despite my failings.....a God who helps me bear emotional pain....a God who wants only the best for His followers.  I know that going back to work is going to be difficult so soon after surgery. I will be trusting God to give the extra measure of energy I know I'll need and if I know God, He's going to give me more than enough.