Big Changes

The first Sunday of my summer break is upon me...finally. I must confess this has been the longest, most stressed filled year at work that I have ever experienced.  There were times I didn't feel I could make it through to the end.  The stress and uncertainty acerbated my fibro pain to record levels and caused much anxiety.  Despite all that has happened, I am thankful.

The straw which nearly broke the camel's back occurred roughly two weeks before the end of term. Our administrator called a meeting earlier in the month of all the paraprofessionals to inform us of the superintendent's decision to move some of us to other schools....no one would lose their job....but the superintendent wanted there to be an equal distribution of support personnel among schools. Oh and tenure and seniority would make no difference in placement. What?!?!

I have been at PES for 16 years as an employee....27 years as a parent, volunteer and PTO member. This faculty and staff were my "family." It was my safe place....my happy place....and now I might have to leave? Surely not. And so I began to pray.....I prayed for God's Will to be done in the decision making process.....I prayed for my precious EL students for whom I'd already begun planning next years' program.....but as I prayed I thought to myself, I know this is where God wants me....when I was passed over for all those English teaching positions this was where he kept me....I am content with being here.

Two weeks ago, I was called into the Principal's office and handed a letter from the superintendent informing me I was being transferred to another elementary school. I felt as if I'd had the breath knocked out of me! I couldn't breathe....I couldn't speak...hot, angry tears rained down my cheeks. Yes I was angry....angry that absolutely no consideration had been given to what I do as an aide....to what I'd done over the years.....angry that I had no one to speak up for me.  My anger only intensified when I was told I needed to sign a letter which stated this was a voluntary transfer.....I said NO. I would go to another school....I would work for my students.....but it was not voluntary.

I cried and ranted at God for two days! Why had He done this? Why had He allowed this to happen?  My coworkers were as shocked as I and offered words of consolation and prayers.....many, many prayers. As slowly I began to hear the soft whispery words of God....

This is what I heard in my heart.......

You are My child and I truly want the best for you......you asked for My Will to be done and this is it....there are children who need you at this school.....there is a job I need you to do.....I will be with you as always.....

And as His Words pierced the cloud of anger around me, I felt peace seep into my heart....living God's Will is not always easy....but after the hard part comes the good stuff.....I mean, when I was being turned down for what I thought was my dream....teaching English/Language Arts....I was so disheartened and felt like such a failure. But God reminded me I was doing what He needed me to do at that moment.....I accepted it and felt content.

Now He needs me in another place....with other students.....and I'm beginning to look forward to new lessons to learn, new joys to share, new adventures to experience. If what God has planned is better for me than what I think is better for me, well, all I can say is WOW!  It is going to be an interesting year!

Celebrate Where You Are

Today our school had our own Earth Day celebration....I know the official Earth Day is April 22...but we needed a full day for programs and stuff.  Our First Graders presented a wonderful program of music peppered with narrated wisdom.  To see those sweet young faces glowing with excitement at the thought of performing for parents and other students was heart warming.  Our Beta club students shared the performance they did at the State Convention and our show choir performed their last show of the year.  Everything was done in out Outdoor Classroom under the sunny skies.

Lots of parents and grandparents came and shared picnic lunches with the students before the performance which is always crazy fun.  It was sad seeing the Sixth graders who will soon be moving on to Junior High.....so many of them started here as kindergartners.  Watching them grow into poised young men and women is a joy.....I'm glad so many of them choose to come back and visit us as they progress through the rest of their school years......they are part of our Pinedale family forever!

I know earlier this week I was doubting my career choice and feeling depressed because I felt as if I had wasted so many years as an aide hoping to eventually be hired as a teacher.........and being passed over for so many positions the past three years. But looking around today, I know I've been where I needed to be...at least up until this point.  Only God knows what He has planned for me beyond this moment......and because He loves me, I know it will be perfect.