New Year, New Me?

Nearly a week into the New Year and I am finally feeling better. I spent the entire Christmas break down with some sort of flu....lest you think "awww poor thing".....it was really the best time for me to be sick.  Why you might ask? Because I didn't have to take any sick days to recover silly goose!

I could migrate from bed to couch dragging my blanket and tissues with me and not worry about how many pay days would be docked from my already meager pay check. And there were loads of Christmas movies to watch....old favorites and new.....and thanks to Pandora, any type of Christmas music I wanted to listen to.

My children and I had already decided to go with a sandwiches and finger food kind of menu for Christmas Day, I didn't have to fret about cooking a big meal.  Our celebration was laid back and casual.....except for all the tornado warnings and horrible weather, of course....but it was all good.

School started back this week and although our break was shorter than usual.....I was so glad to see my students again! In several classes we talked about New Year's resolutions or what our goals for this new year would be.  Our younger students had some interesting ideas about what 'resolutions' meant.  They were all in agreement that whatever a 'resolution' was, it happened after midnight on New Year's Eve.

Listening to the students talk about what resolutions they had or what goals they wanted to accomplish this year made me stop and think about my own goals and resolutions.  I've avoided making any resolutions in the past, because my self-perception wouldn't allow me to contemplate being successful at anything.  But I'm a different person now or so I like to think. So I did set some goals for myself.

For one, I want to be more consistent in writing my blog.  Writing once a week is fine but it is really not enough.....because writing is therapeutic for me in so many ways.....and I always feel better about issues in my life when I've written about them.....can we not conclude writing makes me healthier? Then wouldn't it be best for my mental health to write more than once a week?  To these questions I say yes! Therefore, my first goal is to write more often.

Next, I decided to make more time for my artistic side. Several years ago my best friend introduced me to Zen Tangles thinking I needed a way to release my creativity.  It was one of the best things to ever happen to me!  Although what I draw probably doesn't follow strict Zen Tangle guidelines, it calms me, focuses me, allows me to create images which bring me satisfaction.  The image on this blog is one I drew.....and is the first one I ever sold!  This year I want to be able to express myself more through art.

My third goal was actually suggested to me by my friend Melissa L.  Her church is doing a study which guides the participants through reading the Bible all the way through in one year.  Now, I've tried before to do this very same thing and was never able to complete it. So why should this time be different?  For me it is the fact that she and I decided to do this together.....to hold each other accountable so to speak....and honestly, I feel a desire to read God's Word for myself...for my own need to be closer to Him. 

So far so good.....there are certainly other goals/resolutions which I should probably focus on as well....but I think these three will be more helpful to me in becoming the person I need to be....the person God wants me to be.  If I can become a calmer, more expressive woman of God then the other things will follow.....don't you think?

Big Step Forward

I took a really big step yesterday today.  I went to church....all by myself....for the first time in a very, VERY long time.  It was way overdue....and it was so much more difficult than I thought it would be.!  Living in the South there is an abundance of churches to choose from.  However I was looking for a place where I could worship...REALLY worship....and a place where God's Word is alive in the members.....and a place where I can grow spiritually. 

I did a great deal of praying as did others....because I want to be where GOD wants me to be because only there will I be in His plan for me.  My son who is very active in his church made some suggestions and we finally narrowed it down to one church.  We studied the information on the website and I found myself getting excited about going to church! Nervous but excited as well.

Because the church has two services listed and because I have more energy early in the day, I had made the decision to attend the 9:00 a.m. service.  Had my quiet time with God, drank my coffee, dressed and left the apartment.....excited to once again be worshipping with other Believers.  The church actually meets in a local movie theatre which is kind of cool.  I pulled into the parking lot and almost immediately, my heart began pounding, my hands started shaking and I started thinking, "I can't do this.....what was I thinking?....I'm not spiritually ready to be part of a church.....on and on the negative thoughts kept pouring in.....I was overwhelmed!

Then I put up my hands and said STOP!  I knew those thoughts were not from God and I had no use for them.  I prayed for His peace and His strength, got out of the car and walked in.  The people I encountered were friendly and smiled greetings as I made my way to a seat.  As I sat in the semi darkness of the theatre, I felt a sense of anticipation growing within me.  By the time the service began my body was actually humming as if with an electrical current!

All I can say is that morning, I worshipped as I'd never felt free to worship before....it was like I was in the theatre alone...just me praising God with body, mind and spirit.  Never have I felt such joy and completeness.  When the pastor delivered the message, I was amazed as he addressed every issue I'd faced in the past week!  Again...just me and the Word God wanted me to hear....where I was no longer mattered...the people around me seemed to disappear......it was me and God and that was all that was important.

One thing has become clear to me over the past few stormy weeks.  A Christian needs the love, support and fellowship of a body of believers to stay true to God and His teachings.  I know this on a deeply personal level. Even so, as I sat in that church service surrounded by people, the ONLY thing that mattered to me was that I heard God on a personal level and I responded in kind. I felt as if I had come home after a long weary journey in a dark and dangerous place............and He was there to welcome me.