"God Just Hears a Melody"

I heard a song on the radio that touched my heart.  It's a song by Amy Grant and I'd heard it before...but this time the chorus resonated within me. Perhaps because of what I'd been dealing with mentally, emotionally, even physically, it just struck a chord.

"We pour out our miseries

 God just hears a melody

 Beautiful, the mess we are

 The honest cries of broken hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah..."

 

When one fights pain and the accompanying feelings of depression on a regular basis, it is easy to feel like a whining baby.....or that God is tired of hearing it! There have been times when I've felt that perhaps my failure to handle things better is a sign of a lack of faith.....believe me I've often questioned my own value in God's eyes. I mean, how can I consider myself a woman of faith when I falter in my spiritual walk so frequently?

 

For me, Ms. Grants' lyrics put it beautifully,

"We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody..."

My sadness, my pain, my fears when offered to God, become a beautiful song. Why? How? Because He loves ME! God wants me to turn to Him...to trust Him...to allow Him to comfort me. That is a thing of beauty.

 

It can be easier to offer up shouts and words of praise when life is 'good'....meaning pain free, sorrow free, conflict free...than when it is a constant struggle. My 'misery' poured out to God on a daily basis can be so much better than a 'hallelujah' offered up during the good times. Don't get me wrong! I also offer praise and thanksgiving for all that He has done in my life....continues to do in my life even when I falter.

 

The bottom line for me is constant communion with my loving God is so much more healthy than only praising Him for that in my life which is obviously good. It took a long time to learn that lesson! And sometimes, it takes a song on the radio to remind me of what I've learned.

Strength and Comfort

Do you ever have days when you are simply mad at the world? Times when it seems that every aspect your life has gone completely haywire and you can't seem to find the off switch? All those negative emotions.....depression, tension, anger, worry, doubt,........seem to intensify until there seems to be no way to stop that downward spiral?

That is exactly where I am at this moment.

Why in the world would I share this?  Because I know that I am NOT the only person to ever feel this way.  Just as I know those of us who hit these lows, manage to find our way to our happy place eventually.  Sometimes it helps to know, I am not alone in this struggle.....I'm not and neither are you. 

There are those who would throw my faith in God in my face during these low times....asking where's your God now?  My response is always the same......He is where He always is.....it is myself that has changed...that has moved away from my Source of strength and peace.  Why do I do that????

The answer is simple......I allow myself to be distracted by my day to day struggles, choosing to deal with them on my own, letting God handle the BIG problems.  And you know what happens....every single time?  My day to day, seemingly insignificant problems, start piling up.....they begin occurring at a more rapid pace than I am able to deal with.....and before I know it.....they have become a "big" problem! And I have to let God handle it any way.

How much more sensible would it be to just let God deal with all my issues....moment by moment and day by day?  I've never been accused of being sensible....maybe I should try it once in a while.
I know I don't enjoy this feeling of my life being out of control....of being angry over things about which I have no control.  The need for a good, hard, soul cleansing cry is becoming more apparent as each moment passes........so if you will excuse me, I'm going to put myself in the ever waiting arms of my loving God and let Him wipe my tears as I draw strength and comfort from Him.

Praising God

My heart is so full! The week has been peppered with reminders of how much God cares about me.....unexpected blessings are the best, don't you think? I am so very thankful for life and all that it holds.......not just the smooth stretches but the bumpy bits as well.....really, I'm the most thankful for the bumpy bits.  Those tough painful times make even the tiniest of blessings magnificent...they grow and glow because they are come the source of all that is good ad perfect and loving....they come from the heart of God.

Of course I must share the shape and form some of these blessing took this week! Earlier in the week I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions before heading in to work...love a 24 hour drive thru pharmacy! The prescription was for anti-inflammatory injections....16 doses and there was no charge for the syringes......usually I have to pay for them...so I said a prayer of thanks! If you've read my blog before you know I'm on a squeaky tight budget so free syringes deserve a cheer.

Then the pharmacist said my daily anti-inflammatory med wasn't ready because it was now available in generic form and that they had to order it. Yay!  Because I have to take so many meds I'm always hoping for generic. My best friend put it in very concrete terms when she said the difference between a copay for a non generic and a generic med is equal to half a tank of gas! So here was another blessing in a span of 15 minutes. I drove in to work with a huge smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. And I kept thinking of the Doxology which says, "praise God from whom all blessings flow."

Another blessing came the next day......I was walking to my third class of the day and frankly, I was struggling a bit....the pain making me wonder if I could get through the day. I heard someone call my name and turned to see one of my older students walking towards me. He said he'd been looking for me because he had something to tell me. I thought it was probably a message from another teacher but was surprised by what he said.

 This gangly, awkward young man then told me how much he appreciated the writing projects I'd done with his class. He said that the things I'd chosen to do had really touched his heart and helped him express stuff he'd been thinking about. He just wanted me to know....gave me a quick hug....and went back to class. Wow! You cannot know how much his unsolicited comment brightened my day.

Then there's today.....yep blessings, blessings, blessings. At our school we have a Social Fund managed by the Social Committee. The fund is used for buying flowers for people in the hospital, sympathy cards, you know the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The faculty and staff pay Social Dues every year to fund it all...the dues aren't exorbitant.....but for me, especially now, the dues are a lot. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Then I remembered my emergency money. I keep a well folded ten dollar bill in my billfold "just in case."

I took that money and went to the office to pay my dues. The school secretary informed me that my dues had been paid. I said no I hadn't paid yet.....she insisted. Finally she took me into her office and said someone had paid my dues yesterday.....I cried. I found out who had done this kindness and thanked them and cried some more.....and thanked God for this precious person.....because I know God put the idea in the person's heart. I also know this person to be a humble servant and follower of God.

All day I felt this overwhelming sense of being loved and cared for.....and I know that I am. I may worry about being able to pay my bills....I may worry about how long I'll be able to continue working.....and of course I worry about the pain becoming worse and being unable to live the kind of life I want to live.................but in the long run I don't have to worry.....God has proven time and again that He will meet my needs.....He will take care of everything......I simply have to let Him do what He knows is best for me. 


Sounds like a good way to live, doesn't it?

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back or Life's a Dance

Because of the unexpected appearance of a summer cold, I've had a lot of time to think today while stretched out on the couch, drinking hot tea and blowing my nose!

I've reflected on the events of the past two weeks.  From the starting point of realizing my life as I had known it was over....two steps forward were 1.)accepting that fact 2.)changing the way I had approached life. One step back.....thinking about all the pain I'd caused people I cared about and wondering how they could ever forgive me.

Forward again....going to the people I'd hurt and accepting responsibility fot the pain my actions had caused and then asking for forgiveness.  That was so hard, so humbling, so necessary to my healing.....listening to God and having to find the courage to do what He told me.  Backing up.....holding on to the self pity and weeping for myself.

And so it has gone....and everytime, every step, whether forward or back....God has been with me.  He sends encouragement through the Scriptures, through faithful Christians, through music......He truly is in everything!  We just have to take our hands away from our eyes and look.

At this moment, I'm in forward mode.  I know, however, that there will be moments when I move back because I am human and have bad habits to shed.  I also have the assurance that God will be there to move me forward again.

Forward and back, forward and back...... life is a little bit like a dance.  Thank goodness God knows how to lead beautifully!