Amazing Grace

I just have to say again how blessed I feel....and how thankful I am for feeling this way. Looking back, I know that a year ago I was not happy....didn't know what happiness was anymore.  I smiled and went through the motions of behaving the way a "happy person" should. In reality, I was miserable and didn't know how to fix myself.

Eight months ago I found the source of my happiness.....I found God and His amazing grace...and He reached inside and fixed my heart. Then I began to learn and grow and develop a relationship with my God. I was like a toddler learning to walk....God the Father held out His hands to me and urged me to come toward Him. I've stumbled and fallen.....cried out in sorrow and grief...and He was there to pick me up.

I learned to walk....to pray...to trust...to be happy with myself......and to have a desire in my heart to be the person, the woman God wants me to be. I am a work in progress for sure! But today, a co-worker commented that she was so glad to see me smiling again and to know I was happy.  That meant a lot. Because I pretended 'happiness' for so long, it was an affirmation of sorts for someone else to recognize that I was happy in a real and true sense of the word..

Its been a long time coming.....thank you God for showing me the way.

A Day of Miracles

Today is a day of miracles! How do I know this? Because today is the day I pay my bills....except for rent because it is always paid on the first....but the other stuff.  You know, water, power, phone, tv/Internet, medical....all those necessities.  And I know miracles will be wrought because it happens every month.

I know my paycheck is barely enough to cover these and still pay for groceries and gas in the car.  But every month somehow...God makes it stretch.  Why? Because He has promised to meet my needs as long as I follow Him and trust Him to do so.  There have been months when I spent many sleepless nights wondering how I was going to do it....how I would have the money to survive these basic monthly payments.....and I do mean basics because on my salary, there is no room for extras or splurges.

But I have gradually learned to let it go.  I've learned to take God at His word and trust Him to keep His Promises.  And He does....every single time. And as far as extras and splurges go....I've found that God has a way of surprising me with those too! Sometimes its "Buy One Get One Free" sales at the grocery store and sometimes its an invitation from a friend to go out for coffee-their treat, or a discount on a haircut from my hairdresser because I've referred so many new clients to her shop....always unexpected and always appreciated are these blessings from God.

So I will go ahead and say, "Thank You Lord for all that You do for me. Thank you for taking care of my needs and for loving me enough to do so. Help me to remember to share Your love with all those around me."

Friends Are Gems

I am recovering from some form of flu.....I'm not sure which form.....the head hurts-stomach hurts-coughing-with fever kind. I received my annual flu shot back before Christmas so it isn't that particular strain.  I felt awful Monday-Wednesday but still went to work because I had no fever....what a trooper huh? Got home Wednesday and by Wednesday evening had 101 temperature. So I have spent three days neath the blankets with a box of tissues and plentiful cups of hot tea.  Today, I have decided I will indeed survive!

While burrowed deep into a cocoon of quilts and blankets, I had lots of time to think....and though the thoughts were random and jumped from unrelated topics and back again.....they were happy, joyful thoughts.  Usually when I am this sick, I am overcome with depression and spend lots of time weeping. Not the case this time. God used this time of stillness to remind me of how very blessed I am.

I thought about all the people God has placed in my life who continue to brighten my daily existence though I may not have seen or spoken to them in years....except via letters, then e-mail, then FB. I had as a room mate for one year in college a girl from England...it was a great year and she became a dear friend.......even if we haven't seen each other since that time, I bet we could pick up right where we left off oh so many, many years ago. Our daughters were even pen pals and still keep in touch....and they've never met face to face.  Don't you agree that is a wonderful thing? I do! And I hope one day the four of us can sit down together and enjoy a good long chat.

I've another friend who has been part of my life since high school...we've shared a lot of things from cheerleader tryouts to the birth of children.  During the first Gulf war, I had the honor of coaching my friend through the birth of her second daughter while her husband was deployed.  That was 22 years ago this month and I still get teary eyed thinking about it. Our friendship is still precious to me even if we only see each other sporadically.

And of course there is my true BFF...MoMe! We've been friends, confidants, adventurers, dreamers and schemers since first grade.....that is a long, long time...and I am so thankful for each and every moment. I think it is a rarity to find a friend who knows me better than I know myself and who has been with me through all of life's ups and downs.  That kind of friendship is definitely a blessing.

So I had the flu...and it was yucky....God used my illness to remind me what gems my friendships are...they glitter and shine even in the darkness.....and my life is richer for them.

He's Not Finished With Me Yet

Saturday mornings are so nice....being able to actually savor my coffee instead of being in a mad rush to get out the door and to work. On mornings like this I move at a much slower pace. It is my one day to reflect, recuperate, and refuel for the week ahead. When I got out of bed  it was 27 degrees and actually felt like winter. Now I'm bundled into my soft and ratty robe with some thick socks on my feet ready to write and share.

The past two weeks have gone surprisingly well as far as my health issues are concerned. The pain has been bearable and I've not felt quite as exhausted after work every day. I must confess I did have a 'moment' yesterday. After work I stopped by the store for a few things....eggs, vegs, pasta....so by the time I arrived home my energy was pretty much nonexistent. Got out of the car, grabbed my school bag, my laptop, the groceries and walked the few steps to my building. As I stood at the foot of the stairs leading up to my apartment looking up, I felt overwhelmed......and started to cry! Thank goodness no one was around to see. I wept all the way up the stairs and into my apartment.

After I'd composed myself, I put away my groceries and called my Mama.  I do this every afternoon because my parents like the reassurance that I am safely ensconced in my home after a long day.  We spoke generalities for the first few minutes....you know, how was your day, what did you do, etc.....then Mama asked how I was doing and the tears came again. I think I gave her a bit of a fright because she couldn't understand me through the tears. When I finally got things under control, she comforted me with these words.

She told me she prays for me every day, every time she thinks of me she says a prayer and asks God to send me a miracle......at that point I told her that God hears her prayers because my life is full of  miracles and blessings from God.  Sometimes that is hard for others to understand because they still think of miracles in all caps....you know MIRACLES!!! I used to think that way too. Not anymore.

Over the past six months I've experienced miracles and blessings enough to know without a doubt God loves and cares for me.  My son and I talked about the difference between miracles and blessings......miracles are things ONLY God can do......blessings are the things other people do because God is working through them. And just so you'll know, it is all wonderful.

I arrived at work yesterday morning feeling so full of joy I thought I might explode! And though I had a minor meltdown at one point.....at the end of the day, my joy was still complete. There is a song I heard on the radio that stayed with me all through yesterday and is still in my head this morning.....something to the affect of........God knows the plans He has for me, I know He won't forget, He's not finished with me yet, He's not finished with me yet.

I find much comfort in that thought.

Blessings Everywhere

It has been a long day and I've just gotten home after a visit with my parents and a quick trip to the grocery store.  As tired as I am, I couldn't wait to share this!  And then eat!

With my current budget, this is the week of the month where things get squeaky tight....really squeaky.....the week where dinner may be limited to rice cakes with peanut butter or Vienna Sausages with crackers. You get the picture.  Well, today I realized I had no more rice cakes, Vienna Sausages, or crackers....sigh....and just about no more money.  I made a very careful shopping list and headed to the store after the visit with my parents.

Of course I was mentally praying that maybe one or two of the items I needed would be on special or my favorite, Buy One Get One Free!!  Are you ready for this? Everything on my list was at least 50% off and a couple of things were two for one! I spent less than I had budgeted and took home nearly twice as much......and I know Who to thank. A friend once told me that God always gives us more than we ask for.......that was proven today.

I don't know why I'm always amazed by God's blessings.  He has promised to always take care of me...to supply me with what I need.....and He never disappoints.  Maybe I shouldn't be amazed or astounded that God does what He does.....instead I should live in anticipation of whatever blessing He sends.....and be ever grateful for His Love.

Are You Ready For Christmas?

Christmas Eve, 50 degrees, cloudy with a chance of rain.......thanks to Pandora radio, Christmas music softens the quiet so that it feels more comforting than lonely. Having that first perfect cup of coffee and just thinking.

Looking around I note the chores I need to accomplish before everything is "ready for Christmas." There are still a few piles of clutter here and there and I definitely need to vacuum! And of course there are a few things to bake......nothing new or fancy this year.....just tried and true favorites.....Pecan Chocolate chip Pie, Blond Brownies, Wedding cookies, and Dark Chocolate brownies with Walnuts.  You see, the Christmas gathering is at my house tomorrow.

My three children, Michael aka Bubby, Melissa aka Sister and Lewie plus my sister and her two grandchildren and my daughter's fella, who is also named Michael, will all be gathered together. Thank goodness my son has been called Bubby since Melissa learned to talk! My apartment is going to be bursting at the seams on Christmas Day.  I'm glad.

As I ran my errands yesterday I was greeted with "are you ready for Christmas?" by several people.....people I didn't even know! It is a common refrain.....'are you ready for Christmas?' I'm guessing I was really being asked if all my gifted had been purchased, wrapped, and placed beneath the tree.....had all the food been purchased and readied for the feast?.....but this year it struck me differently.

Are you ready for Christmas? Are you ready to open your heart to that small baby whose birth brought light, joy and the hope of peace into the chaos of our world? Are you ready to take that joy and peace into your own life and carry it forward despite all the hate and fear and desperation which surrounds us?  Become a blessing in your own corner of the world.....those who are blessed will then bless others and on and on........be a blessing and change the world.  That is my challenge to you.....and to myself.  Merry Christmas!

Praising God

My heart is so full! The week has been peppered with reminders of how much God cares about me.....unexpected blessings are the best, don't you think? I am so very thankful for life and all that it holds.......not just the smooth stretches but the bumpy bits as well.....really, I'm the most thankful for the bumpy bits.  Those tough painful times make even the tiniest of blessings magnificent...they grow and glow because they are come the source of all that is good ad perfect and loving....they come from the heart of God.

Of course I must share the shape and form some of these blessing took this week! Earlier in the week I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions before heading in to work...love a 24 hour drive thru pharmacy! The prescription was for anti-inflammatory injections....16 doses and there was no charge for the syringes......usually I have to pay for them...so I said a prayer of thanks! If you've read my blog before you know I'm on a squeaky tight budget so free syringes deserve a cheer.

Then the pharmacist said my daily anti-inflammatory med wasn't ready because it was now available in generic form and that they had to order it. Yay!  Because I have to take so many meds I'm always hoping for generic. My best friend put it in very concrete terms when she said the difference between a copay for a non generic and a generic med is equal to half a tank of gas! So here was another blessing in a span of 15 minutes. I drove in to work with a huge smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. And I kept thinking of the Doxology which says, "praise God from whom all blessings flow."

Another blessing came the next day......I was walking to my third class of the day and frankly, I was struggling a bit....the pain making me wonder if I could get through the day. I heard someone call my name and turned to see one of my older students walking towards me. He said he'd been looking for me because he had something to tell me. I thought it was probably a message from another teacher but was surprised by what he said.

 This gangly, awkward young man then told me how much he appreciated the writing projects I'd done with his class. He said that the things I'd chosen to do had really touched his heart and helped him express stuff he'd been thinking about. He just wanted me to know....gave me a quick hug....and went back to class. Wow! You cannot know how much his unsolicited comment brightened my day.

Then there's today.....yep blessings, blessings, blessings. At our school we have a Social Fund managed by the Social Committee. The fund is used for buying flowers for people in the hospital, sympathy cards, you know the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The faculty and staff pay Social Dues every year to fund it all...the dues aren't exorbitant.....but for me, especially now, the dues are a lot. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Then I remembered my emergency money. I keep a well folded ten dollar bill in my billfold "just in case."

I took that money and went to the office to pay my dues. The school secretary informed me that my dues had been paid. I said no I hadn't paid yet.....she insisted. Finally she took me into her office and said someone had paid my dues yesterday.....I cried. I found out who had done this kindness and thanked them and cried some more.....and thanked God for this precious person.....because I know God put the idea in the person's heart. I also know this person to be a humble servant and follower of God.

All day I felt this overwhelming sense of being loved and cared for.....and I know that I am. I may worry about being able to pay my bills....I may worry about how long I'll be able to continue working.....and of course I worry about the pain becoming worse and being unable to live the kind of life I want to live.................but in the long run I don't have to worry.....God has proven time and again that He will meet my needs.....He will take care of everything......I simply have to let Him do what He knows is best for me. 


Sounds like a good way to live, doesn't it?

The Election's Over....Life is Not!

Election day is over and life goes on.  The outcome doesn't change anything about the person I am nor does it impact the way I live my life.....election results seldom do.  I cast my vote after a great deal of prayer. Although I don't enjoy 'political' discussions.....too often rational people lose their manners when talking about their 'politics.' That is not to say that I choose to remain ignorant of the 'facts' bandied about by all the political parties.  I listen, research and form my own educated opinion. Then I pray...a lot! Once I cast my vote.....I turn it over to God....because my belief is that He is ultimately in control.

The day after an election there is always a bit of crying and gnashing of teeth from one side or the other depending on who is victorious. What a waste of time and energy! I choose instead to focus on trying to make the world I live in a better place.  To wait for our 'government' or any government for that matter to step up and correct mistakes they've made is a lesson in futility. Wouldn't it make more sense for each one of us to be a blessing in some one's life?

If we each treated the people with whom we come in contact with kindness and concern, helping without thought of gratitude or compensation imagine how much better this world would be. I know it sounds simplistic. I prefer to approach my life that way.....remembering to treat others as I want to be treated.

I've tried living my life another way......worrying that I wasn't 'good' enough, stressing over imagined insults, focusing on the negative......that way of life brought me only pain. Once God lifted me from the darkness that way of life brought, I saw that my simplistic approach was much healthier for me. And I like looking for the positive in every situation....I like knowing that because I am a willing servant God can use me to bring good to others....I like not worrying about the future because I know God is going to take care of everything one way or another.

So I really mean it when I say the election results don't impact the way I live my life....I live my life for my God and nothing changes that.