Do Miracles Come in Sizes?

Are all "miracles" classified? By that I mean, are all 'miracles' considered major or is there a category for mini miracles? I would definitely classify the parting of the Red Sea by Moses and Jesus turning the water into wine as pretty major....but what about those events which only impact one person? By one person I mean, say a middle aged woman alone on the couch in her small, but cosy, apartment?

Let me share what happened and maybe you can help me decide.  Yesterday was kind of unpleasant for me.....the middle aged woman from the preceding paragraph in case you hadn't figured it out.  In fact, the whole week was difficult.  'Working through the pain' until I couldn't take it any longer....missing two full days of work and subsequent pay because of pain....going back to work with the pain only slightly better......venting on the blog until I felt, at least emotionally, better.....then last night.

I had gotten home from work, struggled up the seventeen steps to my apartment which took almost ten minutes for those who are curious, phoned my parents, texted my daughter, fixed my meal which consisted of two pieces of toasted bread w/some smoked turkey between them and a Claussen's pickle.......after which I collapsed on the couch.  You see, during one of these pain marathons once I sit down...I'm done.  That's when it became interesting.

I was there on my couch, cocooned in a well worn quilt with warm soft socks on my feet, trying not to cry nor feel sorry for myself. The pain seemed to radiate out from my very marrow growing so intense at times I was almost afraid to breathe for fear the movement would make it even worse.....and I began to pray.  Now those who've followed my blog know my prayers are not what one could call traditional....I lay there with tears trickling down my face and I asked God to take away the pain....no, I begged Him to take it away....even if to do so meant He had to bring me to Heaven with Him.....the pain seemed to intensify which I never thought possible. 

Then it was as if God said, "think about it. Be still and quiet and think about what you've just asked for." And of course in my headstrong way I said, "But why? I can't stand it anymore! You love me so fix it!" I know, I know.....not exactly the way one pictures prayer is it?  But He is my Father and my Friend.....and that is how we communicate.  He replied to my demand by saying, "Be still and think."
So being unable to do much else....I thought about my situation, my prayer, the relationship I have with God, the fact that I have so much to learn about following His guidance.......and I changed my prayer.

I thanked God for loving me enough to help me become a better person, a more complete woman of God.  I thanked Him for the pain He was using to get my attention and to teach me whatever lesson He needed me to learn because of it.  Then I asked Him, notice I said asked not demanded, if He could just turn it down a notch so that it would be more bearable................and He did!

Almost immediately I noticed a difference.....yes, that quickly! The pain was not yet to the day to day bearable stage.....but it was different....lighter somehow.  And I knew God heard me and responded.
The pain today is still kind of rough......but it has definitely been turned down a notch. I still am not sure what lesson the pain is supposed to teach me but I have learned that God is and will continue to be with me through every step of the lesson.

So back to the original question......are miracles classified according to the"wow" factor? Maybe to some.  As for me.....after what I experienced last night.......every miracle, every blessing, every interaction with God is most certainly a WOW kind of experience.

His Answer is Enough

Interesting week....long week....full week....and now its the weekend. Two days to catch up on all the things I didn't get done during the week and to recuperate and try and build up the energy for the week to come. It's obvious to me two days is not enough.

Pain is a continuing issue for me. Historically I experience mild pain daily punctuated with periodic episodes of such intense pain I cannot function.  These generally last 3-5 days and on rare occasions 5-7 days. I experienced one of those awful episodes over a week ago and have yet to reach the ordinary annoying levels of pain.  To say it is exhausting doesn't cover it.

Couple that with several large unexpected hits to my already squeaky tight budget and you have a woman who is asking the God she worships and trusts, "okay...what is the deal here? Is there something You need from me that I'm not doing? Show me.....tell me.....help me to understand!"
Don't get me wrong! I trust God to get me through whatever this time in my life is....I would like to understand so it is easier to bear.

Having to make some unexpected big ticket purchase decisions on my budget is overwhelming on a good day.  But to have to do so this week when my body is pain wracked and fatigue fogs my thought processes makes me long for someone with whom to share the decision making process. Since there is no such person, I believe God used my good friends to help me make my way through. Ironically enough, they both share the same name!

One friend reminded me that even big decisions need to be made one step at a time. So I stopped mentally jumping ahead to a scenario where I had to sell  everything I owned in order to buy the new tires I found out were necessary NOW to replace the ones I had which were bald and beginning to split. My other friend pointed out that even the smallest of pleasures can be just as special as extravagant ones.....a good cup of coffee with a homemade chocolate chip cookie.....a chat with an old friend.

Even though I continue to wonder why pain must be my daily companion.....my belief that God will always use whatever means (or people!) necessary to bring me some measure of comfort stands firm. As His child, it is perfectly all right to question and to wonder....as long as I keep my heart and mind open to His voice and His answers......and I have no problem with that!

Hearing God

Some days I begin going in one direction and end up in quite another!  After the emotions and revelations and transformations of last week, I thought  4-5 days wih my best friend since childhood, known lovingly as MoMe, would be called for.  I get up, pack up, gas up and eventually leave, looking forward to time in the pool and lots of girltalk and laughter.

Then the oddest thing....

The closer I got to the town where I hit the interstate the more emotional I got.  I started weeping and praying and more weeping.....and could not for the life of me figure out what had triggered these emotions.  Finally, I pulled over...right within sight of the interstate.  Sat in a Hardee's parking lot and just sobbed.  I felt this overwhelming longing to be back in my little apartment where I could pray and read my Bible.  Called my daughter, still crying.  She talk and encouraged me to go on to my friend's because she felt it would be fun for me (something I've not experienced a lot lately.)  So I blew my nose and hit the road.

I hadn't gotten five miles down I-10 before I fell apart....AGAIN! I kept talking to God asking Him to keep me and all the other motorists on the road safe from me and my emotions.  By the time I pulled off at the next exit I was in the midst of a full blown panic attack.  Thankfully my sister lives nearby and came as soon as I called. We talked in the parking lot of Walgreens for a long time.

She finally said, 'you've always done whatever anyone expected. Why don't you do what you want? Do you know what that is?" I told her about wanting to read my Bible and pray and just rest in whatever God revealed to me.  Then she looked at me and said, 'then that's what you do!"

I said, "Okay I will." Immediately, I felt peace just wash over me and I knew that was God's plan.  It is a wonderful feeling to be in God's plan and to feel so wrong when you're not in it.  That has been a long time coming.  Most of the time I just struck out in whatever direction and hoped it was the right thing to do. But at least in this moment, I knew God meant for me to have time for me to heal and begin my spiritual renewal.  After all I do have a potentially big battle ahead.....but lets talk about that another day.