Big News!!

Big news! My daughter is getting married....which means I'm going to become a mother-in law....yikes! Having just defined my 'new normal' I find myself having to tweak it a bit. Let's see I am now a daughter, a sister, an ex-wife, a mother, an aunt, a teacher, a writer, an artist, and now I'm adding a new role to the mix.....it is a bit daunting. Will have to absorb it all and see what transpires.

Let me tell you about the how the proposal went....that's always fun isn't

The first time I met him, he was somewhat quiet but the thing that struck me was the way he looked at my daughter. There was absolute love in his eyes....and five years later, it is still there.  He treats her with kindness and courtesy that isn't forced but a natural part of his personality.  He cherishes her and as her mother, that is what I want for her.  He has been with her through some rough patches over the past five years and says that he admires her strength in dealing with them.....he's also had to deal with her stubbornness and temper and still looks at her with love....a good man.

Fast forward a bit....last Friday he called to speak with me....rather he called to ask for her hand in marriage...which touched my heart.  I know he also spoke with her father but the fact that he honored me with the same courtesy says a lot about the kind of man he is.  He regretted not being able to speak with me face to face...but as he lives in another city the time constraints were difficult. As for myself, the fact that he thought enough of me to call was enough.  You see, since my divorce, my daughter and I have had a very rocky time.....very rough on both of us....but over the past year we've slowly begun building a better relationship.  Although there were times I thought she would never include me in any part of her life.....it was devastating.  But we are both in a better place now I think....

Okay enough about that.  On to the proposal itself......he proved himself a romantic in my eyes!  Under the pretext of going to see his relatives, he got my daughter up bright and early to drive to the event...."a family reunion" ha ha.  It is about an hour drive and they had to go through the town where my daughter attended university. Under the guise of needing coffee before seeing the family, he took her to a little coffee shop....the one where they had their first 'date'...yes, I know...romantic.  AND he had one of his cousins staked out to video the proposal!  I know, I know!!  Anyway, he had the ring on top of the cup around a chocolate covered coffee bean....and he went down on one knee and everything......he was crying, she was crying, the cousin was crying.....it was amazing! I'm crying just thinking about it.

The afternoon became a whirlwind of telling everyone and showing the ring and all the things which go along with becoming engaged.

It would be easy for me to get wrapped up in all that lies ahead....but I've learned to take one day at a time. Making plans for the wedding will come...but for now, I am content in knowing that my daughter is happy and loved by a good man......the other things will come, in time.  My prayers for my daughter have always included her husband to be......and now that he is here in her life and he has a name....my prayers will be more specific.  And as always I will trust God to take care of them both.

Just Another Day

I spent two full days away from my job because of severe fibro pain and had to deal with what I felt were insensitive attitudes and comments......and these from people who think they are being encouraging!  I know I don't 'look' like I'm 'sick,' however that doesn't make the pain any less difficult to bear. Being told I should just 'work through the pain' is particularly aggravating because most days that is exactly what I am forced to do! If I have to miss work, you can be sure that my pain is beyond a 10 on that famous 1-10 scale at the doctors' offices....it is so intense that taking a shower makes me cry and trying to put on clothes is a lesson in futility. 

Today I went to work.....is my pain any less, for lack of a better word, painful? Maybe a 9 on the 1-10 scale....so not much better. So why am I here?  Because I was reminded that I will be bringing home 2% less each month not counting the sick days I have to take for which I am docked.  Being in this intense state of pain acerbates all my feelings so now I am angry!  Angry that because of my state government I am bringing home LESS now than I was four years ago......angry that my federal government in essence penalizes me for working by taking a majority of my hard earned wages and siphoning it off to those who are able to work but DO NOT! 

And then.....I feel guilty.....because I think, as a Christian I talk about trusting in God in all situations so why am I NOT trusting Him?  My anger dissipates because I DO trust Him in all things.  Anger won't make my paycheck any bigger nor will it make my pain any more bearable......faith in God will make my paycheck stretch further than I imagined because of the blessings He shares through those around me........trusting in Him to ease my pain does help.  So....there you go.....

I'm reminded of the Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  And I can..as long as I keep my eyes on Him....focus on His will for me instead of my will for myself. The truth is, since I began totally trusting God to show me the way I need to live, things have been much better.  There are times I slip back into trusting my own judgement....but I quickly realize God knows me better than I know myself....and as such, I trust God with my life. 

His Answer is Enough

Interesting week....long week....full week....and now its the weekend. Two days to catch up on all the things I didn't get done during the week and to recuperate and try and build up the energy for the week to come. It's obvious to me two days is not enough.

Pain is a continuing issue for me. Historically I experience mild pain daily punctuated with periodic episodes of such intense pain I cannot function.  These generally last 3-5 days and on rare occasions 5-7 days. I experienced one of those awful episodes over a week ago and have yet to reach the ordinary annoying levels of pain.  To say it is exhausting doesn't cover it.

Couple that with several large unexpected hits to my already squeaky tight budget and you have a woman who is asking the God she worships and trusts, "okay...what is the deal here? Is there something You need from me that I'm not doing? Show me.....tell me.....help me to understand!"
Don't get me wrong! I trust God to get me through whatever this time in my life is....I would like to understand so it is easier to bear.

Having to make some unexpected big ticket purchase decisions on my budget is overwhelming on a good day.  But to have to do so this week when my body is pain wracked and fatigue fogs my thought processes makes me long for someone with whom to share the decision making process. Since there is no such person, I believe God used my good friends to help me make my way through. Ironically enough, they both share the same name!

One friend reminded me that even big decisions need to be made one step at a time. So I stopped mentally jumping ahead to a scenario where I had to sell  everything I owned in order to buy the new tires I found out were necessary NOW to replace the ones I had which were bald and beginning to split. My other friend pointed out that even the smallest of pleasures can be just as special as extravagant ones.....a good cup of coffee with a homemade chocolate chip cookie.....a chat with an old friend.

Even though I continue to wonder why pain must be my daily companion.....my belief that God will always use whatever means (or people!) necessary to bring me some measure of comfort stands firm. As His child, it is perfectly all right to question and to wonder....as long as I keep my heart and mind open to His voice and His answers......and I have no problem with that!