The sun is slowly beginning to peak over the eaves of the building in front of mine. Birds are sluggishly chirping....yep, all things are moving in slow motion this morning. Good thing because I've been up most of the night coughing and hacking my way through a miserable cold. But all in all, life is good.
I haven't written in a while and I could pull out a plethora of excuses as to why. But I won't. The truth is February is my least favorite month and I spend a good many moments feeling grumpy and taciturn. First , there is the whole Valentines' Day debacle....I have become the "Grinch" of said holiday.
Most of my life I waited expectantly for an indication, be it flowers or candy or a sentimental token of some kind, to assure me I was cherished by the one I loved.........didn't happen. Being the optimist I am, I still held out hope that one day it might happen. However, since my divorce I've become more of a realist and know that it probably won't.
That brings me to the second reason I dislike February. It is the anniversary of my divorce becoming final. Regardless of how or why said divorce came about, it still hurts. And in February I am strongly reminded of all the tears and disappointments and lies and heart pain which led to the culmination of a marriage which began with love and hope oh so many years ago.
But there is a positive.....February is a short month. And I realized something about myself during the 28 days comprising this February. Although I've grown accustomed to being alone and rarely feel the pangs of loneliness anymore......I do miss having conversations with other adults....conversations about books and movies and amazing things we've seen or heard.....conversations that last more than five minutes. Perhaps during the 31 days which comprise the month of March I will find the solution to my conversational dilemma.