Glacier National Park 2010

Monday, January 12, 2015

Answered Prayers

Last week was pretty amazing! Not sure what to share first because it is all good. I'll try to remember it chronologically.

Keep in mind the roller coaster I endured over the past 8 months with regards to my job. I believe it was Tuesday afternoon. The day had passed quickly and I had just walked one of my precious students to meet his Mama at the front of the school. My heart was warm at the image of the smiling child and his smiling Mama. This was not always the case for them however that is a story for another day. As I walked back to the classroom to get things ready for the next day, it hit me. The knowledge that I was "home," in the place where I belonged! Believe me when I say I never thought I would feel that way after 16 years in a different school. But I did... I do.

I still love my friends from my old school....still talk to them....still see them....enjoy going out to dinner with them. That will never change. But my job has changed....and it has become even more of a blessing.

The next day was my birthday. I didn't say anything to anyone at my new workplace about it but thanks to FB I was greeted with "Happy Birthday!" from several people throughout the day. It was nice. Then two of my new friends took me out to dinner to celebrate! I felt so special.

Now I have to say I believe very strongly in answered prayers. That being said, I also am certain the answer will sometimes be no, not right now. This week I had a prayer answered in a most wonderful way. I live in a two bedroom apartment but there has been no real bed in the room since I moved in. For a while an inflatable mattress served the purpose then a twin mattress on the floor. I simply couldn't save enough to buy a bed although I tried. So I decided to pray about it....and I did. For months I talked to God about the situation....and being my bossy self, I made some suggestions....He said He would handle it. So every few prayers I would let God know how excited I was to see how He handled it.

I received a text early in the week from one of my "old" friends. She and her husband had decided they were upgrading to a King bed and would I like to have their queen mattress and box springs! AND they would bring it over and set it up! Well, yes, yes I would! Another friend heard what was going on and provided a mattress frame. My daughter and son in law spent half the day Saturday helping me get all the junk out of the room and to the Christian Mission.

There is a song that says something like, God put a million doors on earth for His love to walk through let one of those doors be you! I heard it today and thought, that is how He did it! Those friends were willing to let God's love walk through them to me....and my prayers were answered with lots of love.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Life Goes On....Finally

Here we go....

It has been months since I last wrote. The reason? Nothing specific I think. Simply a change I was unprepared for coming at a time when I was least able to handle it.  The funny thing was I had no idea how woefully unprepared I was. My faith has always stood me in good stead and as always I clung to the lifeline trusting in God has been to me. Unfortunately I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the morass of self pity in which I found myself.

Writing through my problems was how I dealt with a multitude of issues through the years going back to seventh grade. I wrote through teenage angst, through raising my children, through my health issues, through the aftermath of my divorce but not this. For I was afraid of what my ramblings might reveal about my feelings toward others and toward my self. And I did not want to share the bitterness I felt at that moment.

There were days when I sat at my computer staring at a blank screen wanting to write, to share, to expose what I was feeling. In the end I simply could not do it. Looking back it was probably for the best. Because of that heartfelt reticence I believe God was able to work a powerful healing of my spirit, my heart. In the past, writing and sharing helped me understand why I was feeling the emotions I felt. And in understanding why, I could move past it and get on with life.

The only way I could move past my hurt and my bitterness was to talk it through with God. He in His wisdom and His Love for me as one of His children, made me truly see those parts of me which needed to be changed. My first step in His healing process was to accept that the change in my situation was part of God's plan for my life. Honestly that acceptance was really hard. But after several months of prayer, God convinced me. Then I had to, at least in my heart, forgive the people whom I felt played a part in the upsetting of my apple cart. That was a doozy too. But I did it.

It has been a daily struggle and quite frankly, it will always be a struggle. How do I deal with the temptation to react with the same bitterness and anger I felt toward so many when I was transferred from a job, a school, the students I'd loved for 16 years? I say a very simple prayer, a mantra some would call it......"I only need You Lord, only You." Those words calm me, focus me, remind me of Whose child I am. And that knowledge feels so good.