Oh my goodness! Filming begins the day after tomorrow and I am more nervous than anticipated. This is really happening...and soon.
Its funny but you would think as many plays as I have been in...as many times as I've spoken before large groups of people....I still get "stage fright." Never fails and doesn't stop until I take that first step onto the stage or utter my first line then it is as if I am another person, in another place and all is well. Kind of thought it would be the same with filming. Not so much apparently.
I'd been alright until Tuesday. The day was full what with production meetings and rehearsals...and my appointment with the hairdresser. And since sleep has been an elusive commodity, my day began with a nagging headache. The meetings went well as did rehearsal. I left rehearsals and rushed home to grab a bite of lunch before my hair appointment.
For those of you who are unaware, I am a blond, albeit with liberal amounts of silver and grey sprinkled amid my tresses. Because the actress who plays the younger version of my character has very dark, almost black hair, the director decided my hair needed to undergo a transformation. For the first time in my life, I was to become a brunette. Hence my appointment with the hairdresser.
I never gave it much thought just sat down and put myself in her hands. There is a special kind of trust between a woman and her hairdresser.....I've been to the same woman for at least 20 years and trust her judgment regarding my locks implicitly. She's never let me down. Therefore, I should have paid more attention as she talked and tried to prepare me for the change I was about to undergo. Instead, I closed my eyes and just went with it.
Friends let me just say, God never meant for me to be a brunette! The woman looking back at me from the enormous mirror....never realized how big they were!....bore very little resemblance to the person who'd so glibly agreed to having her hair colored. I looked haggard and ten years older than I am which will please the director because I am playing a character who is much older than I am. As I stared at my reflection I could hear my hairdresser saying, "please don't cry....we will make it lighter once filming is done....its not that bad."
My thoughts were, "put me in all black attire, paint my nails black, add a few piercings and I could be some one's Goth granny!" Seriously.
I've been wearing a baseball cap when I have to leave my apartment.....in case I run into someone I know.....sigh. But really, it is alright. If anything, the experience has served to remind me that no matter what I may look like, on the inside I am still me. This is true of anyone. The world would be a much better place if we dropped our preconceived notions and allowed ourselves to get to know the inner workings of those whose lives intersect ours for what ever reasons.....letting acceptance instead of judgment color our thoughts.
Maybe today I'll leave the baseball cap behind as I run my errands......and let my cheerful smile be what people notice about me! After all, that will be a much more accurate indicator of the person I am.