I had big plans for this 3 day weekend.....my best friend was coming in for the weekend and we were going to see a football game at the university which my youngest son attends. He also works as a videographer for the team....yes, I'm a proud mom! I was so looking forward to it. Imagine my disappointment when a pain flare began early in the week and instead of fading managed to intensify. I held out hope until the last possible moment but finally had to call my son Friday and let him know because I knew he had to release the tickets in case some of the other filmers needed them.
I cried and cried.....it would have been my first chance to see Lewie since he left in July.....and I miss my boy....but I cried also because it was another reminder of how my life must be lived differently now. Pain and fatigue now dictate my schedule, my activities, everything. I now find myself seriously contemplating the kinds of jobs I can do based from home. If anyone has suggestions by all means, share them....I am open to any ideas.....within reason of course!
Despite being unable to make the trip to Auburn, my BFF was able to make a visit. We laughed a lot....talked....commiserated....and generally had a good time. We've been friends since we were in first grade which was a very, very long time ago.....I've often said she sometimes knows me better than I know myself! God blessed me richly when he placed her in my life. We discussed my health situation and came to the conclusion that God must be preparing me for something.....training me for something He has planned....or which He knows I must face. Doesn't matter....because I am willing to serve Him anyway He needs me.
MoMe (my BFF) thinks my writing will figure into it somehow....I hope so because writing has brought me much comfort through the years whether anyone else reads it or not. There was a time when my writing was 'taken' from me so to speak.....my private, intensely personal journals were read without my permission....my private thoughts were twisted and used to hurt me....it was as if I had been physically assaulted. At that time in my life when I needed the comfort of "talking" through the issues I was facing by writing.....I couldn't write a word. Talk about writer's block...sheesh! I thought I'd never feel free to express myself again.
Of course, MoMe stepped in and encouraged me to write at every opportunity. She said she missed reading what I wrote. So eventually I did begin to write again....only now my blog has taken the place of my journals.....and anyone can read my every thought.....nothing is too private or personal. For one thing....God is the One who works through my 'issues' with me.....what is too personal or too private for anyone else to hear or read I whisper in God's ear......and He responds with the comfort I need.
Even though plans often change.....whether plans for a weekend or plans for life......I'm so thankful to have found that God's love is unchanging and always available.....because I have a feeling I'm going to need Him more now than ever.