Glacier National Park 2010

Friday, January 18, 2013

Just Another Day

I spent two full days away from my job because of severe fibro pain and had to deal with what I felt were insensitive attitudes and comments......and these from people who think they are being encouraging!  I know I don't 'look' like I'm 'sick,' however that doesn't make the pain any less difficult to bear. Being told I should just 'work through the pain' is particularly aggravating because most days that is exactly what I am forced to do! If I have to miss work, you can be sure that my pain is beyond a 10 on that famous 1-10 scale at the doctors' is so intense that taking a shower makes me cry and trying to put on clothes is a lesson in futility. 

Today I went to my pain any less, for lack of a better word, painful? Maybe a 9 on the 1-10 not much better. So why am I here?  Because I was reminded that I will be bringing home 2% less each month not counting the sick days I have to take for which I am docked.  Being in this intense state of pain acerbates all my feelings so now I am angry!  Angry that because of my state government I am bringing home LESS now than I was four years ago......angry that my federal government in essence penalizes me for working by taking a majority of my hard earned wages and siphoning it off to those who are able to work but DO NOT! 

And then.....I feel guilty.....because I think, as a Christian I talk about trusting in God in all situations so why am I NOT trusting Him?  My anger dissipates because I DO trust Him in all things.  Anger won't make my paycheck any bigger nor will it make my pain any more in God will make my paycheck stretch further than I imagined because of the blessings He shares through those around me........trusting in Him to ease my pain does help.  So....there you go.....

I'm reminded of the Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  And I long as I keep my eyes on Him....focus on His will for me instead of my will for myself. The truth is, since I began totally trusting God to show me the way I need to live, things have been much better.  There are times I slip back into trusting my own judgement....but I quickly realize God knows me better than I know myself....and as such, I trust God with my life. 

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