The Perfect Christmas

Christmas Day celebrations have come and gone.  There were happy moments and the prerequisite "family dramas" to round out the day.  This year we had the added element of severe weather. And by severe I mean tornado warning sirens going off at least six times between 3:30 and 7:30.....we were keeping a careful eye on the television weather reports and saw that a massive wedge shaped tornado had touched down in the Mobile neighborhood where my best friend lives. After several frantic phone calls and texts, she finally got a text through letting us know they were safe.

My daughter and I had a long conversation about Christmas celebrations.  I think there lies within a lot of women.....wives, mothers, girlfriends, etc. this deep seated need to make Christmas 'perfect,' the stuff of dreams and fantasies fueled by the constant influx of Hollywood films....."Miracle on 34th Street," both versions, "Its a Wonderful Life," "White Christmas," "Christmas in Connecticut," and I could go on and one. It was true for me for more years than I care to remember.....and I never accomplished or reached perfection. So I've quit trying....and I just take joy in whatever comes.

Because I've learned that I cannot 'create' happiness for anyone but myself......I'm willing to share my happiness with those around me, but their own happiness is their responsibility. 

And as for the "perfect Christmas," it doesn't exist....never has. Even the first Christmas wasn't perfect.....Mary and Joseph reached Bethlehem and found it full of travelers much like themselves. As a result, there were no vacancies at any inn.....then Mary went into labor somewhat unexpectedly I'm sure.  An innkeeper took pity and led them to a stable in the side of a hill....and as any woman who has given birth will tell you....a barn full of noisy animals is not an ideal place to give birth.

But thankfully, from those less than ideal circumstances came the birth of God's Son, His perfect gift to us in the form of an innocent baby......so maybe that Christmas was perfect after all.

Are You Ready For Christmas?

Christmas Eve, 50 degrees, cloudy with a chance of rain.......thanks to Pandora radio, Christmas music softens the quiet so that it feels more comforting than lonely. Having that first perfect cup of coffee and just thinking.

Looking around I note the chores I need to accomplish before everything is "ready for Christmas." There are still a few piles of clutter here and there and I definitely need to vacuum! And of course there are a few things to bake......nothing new or fancy this year.....just tried and true favorites.....Pecan Chocolate chip Pie, Blond Brownies, Wedding cookies, and Dark Chocolate brownies with Walnuts.  You see, the Christmas gathering is at my house tomorrow.

My three children, Michael aka Bubby, Melissa aka Sister and Lewie plus my sister and her two grandchildren and my daughter's fella, who is also named Michael, will all be gathered together. Thank goodness my son has been called Bubby since Melissa learned to talk! My apartment is going to be bursting at the seams on Christmas Day.  I'm glad.

As I ran my errands yesterday I was greeted with "are you ready for Christmas?" by several people.....people I didn't even know! It is a common refrain.....'are you ready for Christmas?' I'm guessing I was really being asked if all my gifted had been purchased, wrapped, and placed beneath the tree.....had all the food been purchased and readied for the feast?.....but this year it struck me differently.

Are you ready for Christmas? Are you ready to open your heart to that small baby whose birth brought light, joy and the hope of peace into the chaos of our world? Are you ready to take that joy and peace into your own life and carry it forward despite all the hate and fear and desperation which surrounds us?  Become a blessing in your own corner of the world.....those who are blessed will then bless others and on and on........be a blessing and change the world.  That is my challenge to you.....and to myself.  Merry Christmas!

Lessons from Sandy Hook

I've been sitting and watching all the news clips, reading the posts on FB, and weeping for all the lives lost at Sandy Hook School.  When I hear the diatribe from both sides of the gun control issue I am angered that they use this tragedy to espouse their views. This tragedy should teach us so much more.

For one thing, the teachers and staff at Sandy Hook School are representative of teachers and staff at schools all over the world.  When students enter the doors of schools, they have individuals waiting for them who take their responsibility to these children seriously.....it is not just a "job."  Children, yours and mine, are loved and cherished and protected with every ounce of a teacher's being. 

Yes, there are standards which must be taught.....and teachers work hard to see that 'standards' are met.......but along with that, they teach our children about responsibility, citizenship, honor, and as was made so evident in Sandy Hook, they teach our children about courage. And they do so by example.

So instead of focusing on an issue no one will ever agree on......let us focus on those things we can agree on.  Beautiful, innocent children were sacrificed by a mad man for reasons we will never really know or understand.  Teachers gave their lives to try and protect those children. So I say, let us try harder to remember to show our love to our children before we do anything else.......and let us remember also that your child's teacher may be called upon, Heaven forbid, to protect your child with their own life...and would do so willingly because though you may not understand why....we teachers love your children and want the very best for them.

So I sit here and weep....but each tear is a prayer for those we lost, a prayer for each child I come in contact with every day at work, a prayer that goodness will prevail over evil......and a hope that I will never forget to be an example of that goodness.

Blogger's Block

It has been a while.....seems I've suffered from "blogger's block." Yes, I made that up.....just think "writer's block." There's been a whole lot of pain going on and quite frankly I wasn't in the mood to talk or write about any of it.

Just to catch you up......had a lovely Thanksgiving celebration with family at my parent's house. My traditional Sweet Potato Pie was a big hit with my Daddy and he even shared a small sliver with me! Was I honored or what? And I have to say it was pretty yummy!

Now it is December.....and the Christmas season is fast approaching.  It used to bring with it stress and anxiety and more feelings of inadequacy to my life.  There never seemed to be enough time nor money to make sure every one had THE perfect Christmas.....because of course I felt that was all my responsibility.  Let me say for the record....I have relinquished that responsibility. 

For me Christmas is not about perfection.....nor is it about gift exchanges.....nor being invited to Christmas parties......nor making tons of perfect Christmas goodies.  It is about the little things.....like enjoying a nice cup of ginger spice tea before bedtime.....humming snippets of Christmas carols as I fold laundry.....unpacking my collection of Santa face mugs and lining them up on the counter.  Each one brought memories of the fun MoMe and I had experienced as we found these treasures in junk stores and Goodwill stores throughout the southeast.

This year instead of a mad flurry of trying to decorate my apartment and patio and tree all in one day I'm savoring each step.  For now, my Santa face mugs smile at me as I contemplate what bit of decorating comes next.....and if I can figure out how to share photos of them on the blog, I will. I want to enjoy every moment of every day.

Hopefully, the "blogger's block" I've suffered has passed......because I do so enjoy blogging and sharing the every day ordinary life I live.......I am so blessed.

Sweet Potato Pie and Truth

The most amazing smells are wafting forth from my tiny kitchen.  Sitting here in the quiet of the moment enjoying my coffee, I savor the smells and the memories they evoke.  Later today the Sweet Potato pie I am baking will be served with love to my Daddy.  What has now become a holiday tradition began as somewhat of a challenge.

Long ago as a young wife and mother, I tried so hard to make delicious food items to take to the Thanksgiving dinners we attended at the homes of relatives.  Back then, my self worth was heavily dependent on the opinions of others......now, not so much! For months I would scour magazines and cookbooks looking for the "perfect' recipe with which to garner praise.....and would inevitably be unable to produce the side dish or dessert which would have everyone clamoring for more.

I remember one holiday finding a recipe for a caramel layer cake that looked divine and which I was sure would be a hit. I gathered all the ingredients in preparation of Thanksgiving and studied the recipe until I had almost memorized it. My heart soared in anticipation as I made that beautiful cake, 'from scratch,' as we like to say here in the South.....this would be the year...this would be the dessert which would bring joy and satisfaction to all!

Thanksgiving Day arrived. We all gathered to enjoy all the traditional foods..a nice roasted hen because my mother doesn't like turkey.......Cornbread Dressing from my Grandmother's recipe, Giblet Gravy, canned Cranberry Sauce in slices, Green bean Casserole prepared by my now ex husband because frankly no one made it like him, my Deviled Eggs which my children loved, Potato Salad like my Italian Nonna made.......the table groaned with food....and after the meal .....so did we all.

There wasn't much lag time as the table was cleared and my Mama started offering dessert.....and we had choices there as well......Coconut Cake.....Pecan Pie....Pound Cake......and this particular year, my Caramel Cake!  For those who aren't aware of how we do things in the South......you don't choose just one....you have to have "a little taste of it all."  There were oohs and aaahs all around as the 'sample' plates were tasted.....then I made the fatal mistake.  I asked how my cake tasted.  Amidst the general comments of how good it was I heard....."it was alright."

To say it was "alright" was to mean that slice would be eaten but  another would not be requested....I was crushed.  Then my Daddy said, "it sure would be good to have a piece of Mama Shaw's Sweet Potato pie right now." Mama Shaw was my Daddy's grandmother on his mother's side. She passed away the year after my oldest child was born and to my knowledge there wasn't a relative living who had a copy of her recipe. But in my mind, a challenge had been issued.....and if anyone was up to the challenge....it was me.

I told no one of my intention but got right to work trying to find a recipe which would match in taste and presentation to Mama Shaw's Sweet Potato Pie. Recipe after recipe was read and compared and discarded.......then the week before Christmas I stumbled upon a cookbook I'd overlooked before....one in my own collection.  The battered and food stained Auburn Cookbook given to me as a wedding gift had produced many wondrous dishes for our family through the years.

Reading the list of ingredients and directions for preparation, I thought, "Yes, I can see a Georgia grandmama putting this together for her family." So Christmas morning, after the children had joyfully begun playing with all the bounty Santa had brought......I made a Sweet Potato Pie.  And as it cooked and filled the kitchen with the smells of cinnamon and nutmeg.....I made my Deviled Eggs.

Fast forward through Christmas dinner where once again we all ate more than our bodies were used to eating.........to dessert......there was Lane Cake, Fruit Cake, Pecan Pie, Chocolate Pie, Pound Cake and sitting humbly in the center of all the richness was my offering, Sweet Potato Pie. No one asked for a slice.....but I didn't care....there was really only one slice I wanted to serve.

I cut my Daddy a piece and quietly set it in front of him. "Try this Daddy. Let me know what you think." He took a nice healthy bite and chewed.  I saw it in his eyes first. "Where'd did you find Mama Shaw's pie recipe?" he said as he continued to eat the slice of pie until there was nothing left but a few stray crumbs left scattered across his plate. "You just have to know where to look I guess."
"Well, nobody else gets any...that is MY pie now."

With that pronouncement, a warmth stole across my heart.....because I knew he meant it. He has never been one to issue false praise just to make someone feel "good." He says what he really means.....and although it took years for me to appreciate that, I now treasure that part of my Daddy's personality.  All those years I craved "praise" to make me feel worthy are no longer important because now I know Truth is so much more valuable.....and every year when I make Daddy's Sweet Potato Pie I am reminded of that fact.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Praising God

My heart is so full! The week has been peppered with reminders of how much God cares about me.....unexpected blessings are the best, don't you think? I am so very thankful for life and all that it holds.......not just the smooth stretches but the bumpy bits as well.....really, I'm the most thankful for the bumpy bits.  Those tough painful times make even the tiniest of blessings magnificent...they grow and glow because they are come the source of all that is good ad perfect and loving....they come from the heart of God.

Of course I must share the shape and form some of these blessing took this week! Earlier in the week I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions before heading in to work...love a 24 hour drive thru pharmacy! The prescription was for anti-inflammatory injections....16 doses and there was no charge for the syringes......usually I have to pay for them...so I said a prayer of thanks! If you've read my blog before you know I'm on a squeaky tight budget so free syringes deserve a cheer.

Then the pharmacist said my daily anti-inflammatory med wasn't ready because it was now available in generic form and that they had to order it. Yay!  Because I have to take so many meds I'm always hoping for generic. My best friend put it in very concrete terms when she said the difference between a copay for a non generic and a generic med is equal to half a tank of gas! So here was another blessing in a span of 15 minutes. I drove in to work with a huge smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. And I kept thinking of the Doxology which says, "praise God from whom all blessings flow."

Another blessing came the next day......I was walking to my third class of the day and frankly, I was struggling a bit....the pain making me wonder if I could get through the day. I heard someone call my name and turned to see one of my older students walking towards me. He said he'd been looking for me because he had something to tell me. I thought it was probably a message from another teacher but was surprised by what he said.

 This gangly, awkward young man then told me how much he appreciated the writing projects I'd done with his class. He said that the things I'd chosen to do had really touched his heart and helped him express stuff he'd been thinking about. He just wanted me to know....gave me a quick hug....and went back to class. Wow! You cannot know how much his unsolicited comment brightened my day.

Then there's today.....yep blessings, blessings, blessings. At our school we have a Social Fund managed by the Social Committee. The fund is used for buying flowers for people in the hospital, sympathy cards, you know the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The faculty and staff pay Social Dues every year to fund it all...the dues aren't exorbitant.....but for me, especially now, the dues are a lot. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. Then I remembered my emergency money. I keep a well folded ten dollar bill in my billfold "just in case."

I took that money and went to the office to pay my dues. The school secretary informed me that my dues had been paid. I said no I hadn't paid yet.....she insisted. Finally she took me into her office and said someone had paid my dues yesterday.....I cried. I found out who had done this kindness and thanked them and cried some more.....and thanked God for this precious person.....because I know God put the idea in the person's heart. I also know this person to be a humble servant and follower of God.

All day I felt this overwhelming sense of being loved and cared for.....and I know that I am. I may worry about being able to pay my bills....I may worry about how long I'll be able to continue working.....and of course I worry about the pain becoming worse and being unable to live the kind of life I want to live.................but in the long run I don't have to worry.....God has proven time and again that He will meet my needs.....He will take care of everything......I simply have to let Him do what He knows is best for me. 


Sounds like a good way to live, doesn't it?

Change of Plans

I had big plans for this 3 day weekend.....my best friend was coming in for the weekend and we were going to see a football game at the university which my youngest son attends. He also works as a videographer for the team....yes, I'm a proud mom! I was so looking forward to it.  Imagine my disappointment when a pain flare began early in the week and instead of fading managed to intensify. I held out hope until the last possible moment but finally had to call my son Friday and let him know because I knew he had to release the tickets in case some of the other filmers needed them.

I cried and cried.....it would have been my first chance to see Lewie since he left in July.....and I miss my boy....but I cried also because it was another reminder of how my life must be lived differently now. Pain and fatigue now dictate my schedule, my activities, everything. I now find myself seriously contemplating the kinds of jobs I can do based from home. If anyone has suggestions by all means, share them....I am open to any ideas.....within reason of course!

Despite being unable to make the trip to Auburn, my BFF was able to make a visit.  We laughed a lot....talked....commiserated....and generally had a good time.  We've been friends since we were in first grade which was a very, very long time ago.....I've often said she sometimes knows me better than I know myself! God blessed me richly when he placed her in my life. We discussed my health situation and came to the conclusion that God must be preparing me for something.....training me for something He has planned....or which He knows I must face. Doesn't matter....because I am willing to serve Him anyway He needs me.

MoMe (my BFF) thinks my writing will figure into it somehow....I hope so because writing has brought me much comfort through the years whether anyone else reads it or not. There was a time when my writing was 'taken' from me so to speak.....my private, intensely personal journals were read without my permission....my private thoughts were twisted and used to hurt me....it was as if I had been physically assaulted. At that time in my life when I needed the comfort of "talking" through the issues I was facing by writing.....I couldn't write a word. Talk about writer's block...sheesh! I thought I'd never feel free to express myself again.

Of course, MoMe stepped in and encouraged me to write at every opportunity.  She said she missed reading what I wrote.  So eventually I did begin to write again....only now my blog has taken the place of my journals.....and anyone can read my every thought.....nothing is too private or personal.  For one thing....God is the One who works through my 'issues' with me.....what is too personal or too private for anyone else to hear or read I whisper in God's ear......and He responds with the comfort I need.

Even though plans often change.....whether plans for a weekend or plans for life......I'm so thankful to have found that God's love is unchanging and always available.....because I have a feeling I'm going to need Him more now than ever.