Sitting here alone...and feeling lonely. When I was first divorced and had moved into this apartment....I quite often felt both alone and miserably lonely. As time passed, I grew accustomed to being alone and the loneliness gradually eased. There was no time to be lonely. I worked two jobs and went to school at night and tried to find my place...my new place in the life I was now living.
Nowadays I don't often feel the loneliness I did then....at least not as often. But today...tonight....the loneliness is tangible. It is as if the loneliness sits with me in the quiet of my home and reminds me that although I have my precious children....they are building their own lives.....and I have friends who are as dear to me as family....they also have their own lives.........yes, I am reminded that being alone is my lot in life.
Sometimes I need my space and being alone is acceptable......but knowing that I must be alone even when I do not want to be....it hurts my heart. Because deep inside I want to be part of a pair....part of a couple....to have someone to love and cherish and who will love and cherish me......someone to laugh with and cry with and grow old with. The difficulty for me now is accepting my loneliness and adjusting my dreams to include only one.....myself.