I've experienced my first stomach virus of this school year and it was a doozie! For some reason it triggered a pain episode which just complicated everthing! Things had been going so well at work too....it would have been easy to just sink into the "poor pitiful me" stage.....but I didn't.
I figured it would be a good time to think on the positives. So I did.
Looking back over the past year, two years.....I realized I am in a much better place than I was a year ago, even two years ago.....and it feels great. The biggest, most important change for me has been to let God be actively part of my life.....not just the nebulous distant God whose love I felt I could never be worthy of. It is so much better to have Him close....to lean on Him....to feel His strength and power....to know His comfort is there for me, for all His people.
My job has become even more enjoyable....being able to share my passion for writing with the students....to see them embrace their own writing abilities with excitement.....it is an answered prayer. For me there is no doubt, being in this job at this time is where God wants me. If it weren't so, I wouldn't feel this peace. God's will for my life...His plan for me....it is perfect for me. As for the salary.....well, I'm resting in the knowledge that I matter as much to God as the birds who are fed daily according to God's bounty......in other words, He will provide.
Although I am very often alone...I don't feel the loneliness quite as much. Preparing for the writing lessons at school helps fill the time....writing for the blog is a pleasure and takes time....reading and studying the Scriptures helps me realize how blessed I am.....and how letting God in, means I'm never really alone anymore. And more importantly, having God with me in all parts of my life helps me know He will protect me from those who would deceive me as some in my past have done.
Am I still in pain? Physically, yes, and sometimes, like today, it takes everything within me to raise myself from the bed. Am I in pain spiritually? Not anymore....God healed that pain just as one day I will experience God's perfect healing for my physical ailments.
Looking into the past used to cause me such pain. Now I know, seeing how painful life was without God's presence, that I am in a much better place because He is with me. And looking back makes me see how far I've come because of God's love.