A precious friend recommended I buy Beth Moore's book, Praying God's Word Day By Day, and use it as a guide on my journey back into God's Word. Best money I've ever spent! It has been so long since I've looked to Scripture for comfort, for strength, for hope, for guidance.......for anything!
The first day I was comforted to find that God calls me by name!(Isaiah 43:1-4) For one who's felt unworthy for so long being reminded that the Divine Creator calls me by name was cause for rejoicing. I confess that it is still a struggle for me to like who I am...but I'm working on it.
Each day I've found verses which speak directly to my heart! Today was no exception. The passage was I Peter 3:8-9 and it was a reminder to be compassionate and loving regardless of how I feel about the way I've been treated. Why? Because of the Blood Jesus shed for my forgiveness I owe it to others. That's been hard for me.
My heart and my feelings were recently hurt very badly by someone I trusted, someone I never thought would be dishonest with me. I thought I'd forgiven this person but obviously not because I wanted them to feel the same pain they'd caused me.....that isn't forgiveness is it? That's why those verses spoke to my heart today.
How can I not forgive when God has forgiven so much in me? How can can I grow beyond that "old me" if I hold on to that pain and hurt? I can't. So I faced God and told Him I do forgive the person who hurt me. I still find it hard to understand why it happened....but I guess it isn't for me to know right now.
Don't think it's been easy because it's not. But every time an unkind thought creeps in, I ask God to take it and turn it into a prayer for the one who caused my pain. I've been praying that prayer alot today!! But the thoughts are coming less frequently and so are my tears. It is another reminder that I can't change on my own.....God will need to guide my every step. And I know He will.