The hardest thing for people to do is take responsibility for their actions and the subsequent consequences. At least, for me.
I somehow found the courage to go to people I know have been hurt, deeply, by my actions and to ask for their forgiveness. Do you know how hard it is to admit I have been such a self-centered deluded coward? Difficult does not begin to describe.
To humble myself in that way was to risk dredging up the hurt all over again for all involved. But it was what God had put in my heart to do...so I put on my big girl pants and did it. Knowing that God had already forgiven me for those actions made it a tiny bit easier. The hardest part was forgiving myself, something at which I'm NOT good. The people I spoke with were understanding and some did forgive me though some did not. That's alright too. Because that is their right.
The thing is I am determined to be the woman God means for me to be, no matter how difficult that path is. My job now is to wait and pray, study God's Word, surround myself with Godly people in order to become spiritually strong.
And while I do those things, I will love my friends for all they are to me, love my children for who they are becoming, and love myself....because God loved me first!