Tomorrow is the big day...I will have a total thyroidectomy. I met with the surgeon, did all my pre-op lab work, and now just have to show up at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning! Since it is an hour's drive I'm thinking I won't get much sleep. But that's okay.
Lots of feelings tumbling around in my head. Lots of thoughts flitting through my brain. Am I nervous? Yes, you could say that. Am I worried? Not really. I have put this whole situation in God's Hands. There are lots of people all over the world praying for me and as a friend reminded me, "prayer is a powerful thing."
If for whatever reason, things go awry and I don't live through the surgery.....it is okay. I'm not afraid of death....I know Who will be waiting to receive me! My only regret will be not having more time here to be with my children.....to let them know in every way possible how much I love them and how very proud of them I have always been!
There are still lots of things I'd like to do here.....lots of things to learn....lots of friends o make...lots of journeys to take. But ultimately, I know that what I want and what I need are two different things. Only God knows what I really need...and He provides those things for me every single day. Sometimes I don't even know I need them until they are there...that is how amazing God is.
The verse in Psalms that brought me much comfort this morning is this:
"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord, I have no good apart from you." Psalm 16:1-2
I take refuge....shelter...strength...comfort...guidance...all those things from trusting and resting in God. It isn't always easy to just let go....surrender everything to Him. Because I want to "fix" things all by myself.....but when I try to do that.....I usually make a big mess. That's because I don't see the "Big" picture...not the way God does.
The second part of the verse is a reminder to me, "You are my Lord, I have no good apart from you." And I don't! I have years of experience being 'apart' from God......it wasn't all bad but it wasn't perfectly good either. There's no way it could be.....if I wasn't letting God lead me in everything then I made some bad choices. I don't want to be in that place again.
So, every moment of every day, I will reach out and ask God to "preserve me." In joy and in sorrow I will call out to Him and He will rejoice with me and He will comfort me......how amazing that the God who created everything is always there for His children.
God will be with me tomorrow through the surgery....the recovery...and whatever follows. My prayer is that it will be apparent to all Who is in charge of my life.....and how thankful I am that He is.